Never back down, never what? Never give up!
Failing at something you love and the confidence that comes when you keep showing up
IKIGAI
A Japanese phrase that loosely translates to having a sense of motivation in life. I was doom scrolling on Instagram the other day when I came across this reel that spoke about Ikigai and it’s four elements. It inspired me to write about this
If you had asked me a while ago, I’d have described myself as “a hard guy,” but two weeks into my internship year, I found myself fighting back tears in the changing room of the theatre. It’s one thing to mess up at random things, but it’s on an entirely different plane when you mess up at something you care deeply about.
I’m one of those people who didn’t struggle much academically, which also means I sometimes took things for granted. A sort of nonchalance, if you will. So when I wasn’t immediately doing so well in my dream profession, I didn’t know how to act. Sometimes it felt like everyone else just knew what they were doing and here I was totally clueless. It definitely wasn’t fun.
Everyone and their father kept telling me that I'd get better with time, but who knows, maybe they meant “thyme." Get it? *insert drumroll*. I was ashamed, and I didn’t know how to explain to anybody that I was slowly falling apart. Each time I’d ask for help, I immediately felt like a failure. Which is a tad dramatic if I’m being honest.
Shoutout to all the people who never gave up on me and the ones who always helped me when I needed it. I’m not sure I’d have made it thus far without them.
The one thing, though, is that I kept showing up. I’d cry, wash my face, and get back to work. I’d tell myself I’ve got this, and if I don’t, I’ll just try again. I can’t say it’s been easy, though. There are still some days that are much harder than others. I’d like to believe I’m more comfortable asking for help when I need it. Not to toot my own horn, but I’d say I’ve improved.
I like being a doctor, and I really want to get better at it. I’m learning that it’s a process. Even if Rome were ever built in a day, mastering this will take time.
What have I been up to?
I will start by saying that I’ve been existing because this thing I’ve been doing cannot be called "living.”
I watched the latest season of Bridgeton, and it’s like I’m awake again. Netflix will pay for breaking it into two parts. June 13th is quite simply too far!
I’ve been trying and, surprisingly, not failing at being more social. Shout out to all the amazing people I’ve met so far at my internship.
I went for a get-together on Friday, and unlike Hozier, I’ll not be taking my whisky neat. Only fruity cocktails for me, please.
Someone told me they had “monkey tail” yesterday, and I assumed it was an actual monkey’s tail. Imagine my surprise when I learned what it really is. My Naivety is ridiculous
I watched fleabag again and I’d like to inform everyone that it’ll never pass
Manchester United won the FA Cup! Arsenal is finishing this season trophy-less. What a great way to end the month!
I’ll rate this week a
No Judgement 🙃
I know it’s late but indulge me :)
I really enjoyed reading this. I’ve missed your posts.
Keep showing up, Nkechi! You got this.