The beginning of the end
"Now, this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." -Winston Churchill
I’ve always had a strange fear of endings. For example, I haven't seen the final season of The Big Bang Theory yet. I'm too scared to say goodbye to this show, which has been a part of my life for years. This past week, I started my last posting as a student, and my feelings right now aren’t any different.
I find that my life right now relates strongly to that quote. On one hand, my university career is coming to an end, but on the other, this is just the beginning of the rest of my life.
I was happy at first, but the idea of starting my life as a graduate student was terrifying. Sometimes it feels like the rest of my classmates have a solid plan for what comes next, whereas I’m just winging it. Ultimately, I know none of this is true, but anxiety is like, “I don’t care, girl.”
I always knew this moment would come, but it didn’t feel real until I was in class on Monday morning. If first-year Chelsea could see me now, she wouldn’t believe we made it. I wanted to leave and never come back from the beginning but now it has grown in me
The university I’m at is somewhat sheltered, so I’m afraid that when I lose the comfort that it brings, I won’t be good enough. You know people talk about “Peaking” in high school, but is it possible to peak in university, and are there ways to prevent it?
Recently, I started thinking realistically about my life after graduation. I have a general picture, but it needs polishing. Since I have less than six months, you can say it’s a late start. However, anytime you wake up, is your morning.
I’m not going to be one of those people who says starting late doesn’t matter, because that’s bull. However, I’ve started, and that’s a good thing.
What I need to understand is that, while endings are scary, they are also necessary. I have to graduate from university so I can pursue other things that life has to offer me.
How my week went
I received major academic validation, which always makes me happy.
I took an involuntary break from school work, which is just a good way of saying I procrastinated all week. I hope next week will be better.
I forgot to play Wordle on Monday, so I lost my streak. This is the second time in the past couple of weeks. I could set up a reminder, but I feel it defeats the purpose.
I wasn't able to get into the novel I was reading; the vibe just wasn’t there. I’m going to try a different book to see if anything changes
I binge-watched the first four seasons of New Girl; it’s such a great show. It makes me want to have roommates in the future.
I laughed a lot. Most of my classes were fun, and my teachers told the best stories.
Yeah, endings are necessary. I nearly cried when I watched the final season of TBBT. It was the most perfect ending ever! I think you'd love it when you finally watch it (you know you can always rewatch it over and over again).
I have found that focusing on the journey rather than the destination can make endings less terrifying.
PS: You've made it so far, I am so proud of you!🤗
This is good👏... Nice work.
As for the times we are in, I feel like its one of these times I'll remember when I look back from some future time. It doesn't feel like it though.